Mercedes Sands and her husband, Robert, a Cincinnati Bengals safety, began fighting shortly after they married.
However, when Ms. Sands rammed her car into a neighbor’s house while attempting to flee, knocking herself
unconscious and necessitating a police response, the Bengals got concerned.
Within days following the occurrence, in January 2012, the team’s head coach, Marvin Lewis, convened a meeting at
Paul Brown Stadium to try to help the couple work through their issues.
He encouraged them, Ms. Sands recalled in an interview, telling them that young couples frequently battled and that
they should seek counseling. He also encouraged them to contact the Bengals first if there were any future issues, as
calling the police could draw attention from the media and create an embarrassing distraction.
“They made it seem like we are a family,” Ms. Sands recounted. “You can come to us for anything you need. “We’re
here to help you.”
As indignation grew this fall over the National Football League’s handling of domestic abuse allegations, the major
focus shifted to policy and punishment. Little has been heard from the victims, in part because they frequently
retract their charges and remain with their spouses.
However, in interviews with The New York Times, two women who left their husbands — Ms. Sands and Brandie
Underwood, who was married to a Green Bay Packers player — described abusive relationships in which they felt
trapped, due in part to each team’s close-knit culture and a protocol that emphasized avoiding disruptions.
